Now I want a swimming pool...

It's as if I'm poolside right now

New mix: Wake up!

A new playlist for all of you... for best results, listen to it in the mornings or when you need an injection of energy :)
Features the likes of Oasis, The Who, Passion Pit, Alex Winston and Cults


 

j:\ wake up from jfanae on 8tracks Radio.

If a tree falls...

Time for some free-writing...

Post-call day (day off after a 24-hour or overnight shift)! I'm sitting at home after a workout and my limbs feel similar to jelly, satisfied after a relatively healthy lunch. It's 15:48, what to do? I've already caught up on Walking Dead (can't wait for the mid-season finale), drinking some fresh ground and brewed coffee. For some reason, Kid Cudi is hitting the spot at this moment. I couldn't really tell you why. If James were here, he'd insist I play "Make Her Say"... he's obsessed with that song.

I'm not really sure who reads this on a sporadic, semi-regular or a creepily regularly basis but I sometimes wonder. Obviously this is a post rich in deadwood, but lacking in conciseness. Are people frustrated reading this? Can this considered a frustrating post if nobody reads it?

Let's go with some rapid-fire thoughts:
- There is a cupcake beside me but I think I'll enjoy it after I take a shower.
- I am sad my other friends who have blogs have not kept up... it makes Google Reader a lot more boring.
- I would be willing to bet money the NHL season is lost. Not many of you would take me up on that bet because it is looking more obvious. I have been thinking this for the past month... so maybe if I said this earlier there would be a much more lively discussion. Anyways, the NHL and the players are making their bed.
- I think I steeped this second cup of coffee for too long. Whoops.
- Yesterday when I was on call for family med/obstetrics I heard about a terrible case about a newborn who is braindead. I wish I could write more about it. Sometimes medicine is brutal.
- The song I want any of you who are still reading to hear is "Ride" by Lana del Rey. She has gone through some rough patches as her fame increases (SNL, some nasty rumours) but you can't deny this is an awesome track. I feel that she maybe sings a bit too low for her range in some parts, but man she has a haunting voice.

playlist: embrace the snow 2012

I put this playlist together, give it a shot! and of course let me know what you think

- J

j:\ embrace the snow 2012 from jfanae on 8tracks Radio.

behind

I often feel I'm behind...
Behind schedule to get somewhere on time, behind my reading, behind on the number of things I need to do in a day, behind my laundry, behind my emails, behind posting on my blogs. Behind everything! ... well fortunately not my bill payments. I'm too paranoid of bad credit for myself to let that happen.
Usually this feeling occurs all of a sudden where I don't know how I get to be so behind so I curse myself for allowing it to happen.

Do I pile myself with too many things a day to do? Do I waste way too much time dawdling? Procrastinating? Probably all of the above. I am finding it is something I'm identifying nowadays and am trying to focus on fewer tasks leading to higher success rates.

ok, that was a boring post. I promise I'll make it up!

Back to the rural

It's kind of odd being back in Hinton where I finished my rural rotation about a year and a half ago. The reason I say so is because it's like this place was frozen in time when I left, and it's almost exactly the same since I came back. Granted, it wasn't that long ago but it's still kind of a bizarre feeling. The most dramatic change I noticed was one of the doctor's hair is a bit more salt than pepper and one of the hospital's walls are a slightly darker grey colour.
It also makes me hope that it seems that I've improved in my clinical training, judgment and management skillz. I may not know prenatals like the back of my hand as I did before but I'm hoping everything else has gained at least +1 EXP.
The one new thing I have enjoyed is the teaching role I've taken with the medical students. It's something I've already noticed I enjoy doing, and it adds something unique to my day. I'm finding myself looking to incorporate that into my future career.

Each day I'm also trying to look for what I would like to do in at least my more immediate career... both major and minor factors. It's difficult to evaluate because I still give the usual "Iiiiii... dunno" shrug whenever someone asks me, but small pieces are coming in here and there. It doesn't seem that full-time rural life is in the cards... at least for now. In many ways I still like the academic life, exploring cities, and while the schizoid side of me enjoys the remoteness, being in a hub city makes travel much more accessible. These may seem like minor factors in the end, but they're something for now.

Charlie

Our family dog, Charlie, died on September 8th, 2012. I knew I had to write something about it, but didn't want to say anything until I had it just right. Most of what I wanted to say, I passed along through my family but what I wanted to tell the general public or interweb I have had a difficult time trying to phrase.

He lived over 13 years old, and over 95% of it he was incredibly healthy. He developed some arthritis that slowed him down a bit in the last year, but before that he was full speed all the time. We got him many years ago on a family vacation on the way back from Waterton National park. We had stopped at Hutterite farm to get some lamb (random, I know) and while walking around this tiny pup jumped out of the grass in front of us. My sister squealed and immediately wanted to keep him. Me being the fun sponge of the kids said that we couldn't be responsible enough to take care of him since we had gotten a bird a few years ago and I was doing the lion's share of the work to take care of her. With some persuasion, and only $175 less later, this puppy was in a cardboard box in our van on the way home.

Only did I read later on that border collies have too much energy for their own good, but Charlie sure stayed true to that fact. He bolted anywhere at full speed if wanted to play, and wouldn't stop playing until he was either exhausted or we forced him to stop because he had cut his lip on a stick or something. This energy also manifested itself in his mischievous nature. He would wander off or sneak out of the house if we left a door unlocked on occasion, but he would either wander back rather casually or be stopped by a good samaritan. We would be panicked, frustrated, even angry if he ran away, but would always be relieved and overall in better spirits once he was back home.

Outside of his energy, his primary characteristic was his reliability and loyalty. As my siblings and I grew up, and as our family went through some tumultuous times, Charlie was always there for anyone... especially if we were brave enough to walk him in the dead of winter, or goof around with him inside the house. He bonded the most with my dad, but he would be excited to see any of us, and would nudge his nose against us if we ever seemed down, and that never changed even as he aged.

In his final days (and thankfully this phase only lasted a matter of days), it was incredibly hard because we knew his time was coming and we knew soon we would have to say goodbye, but we equally didn't want him to suffer through his liver disease. I unfortunately couldn't be there to say goodbye to him, but one of the most heartbreaking things my sister said happened was when the whole family was there at the vet for the last visit, and when everyone was obviously very upset, he looked around and seemed distressed seeing the whole family crying. In his fatally ill state, he was still trying to look after them. He left us very peacefully, already asleep.

Despite the ending, I am thankful and in fact incredibly pleased that he lived a very happy and healthy life. It still hurts a bit here and there when I think of him, but the good memories far outweigh the bad ones, and I'll remember him fondly, especially that distinct running style :-)